


Jason Todd VS The... World?

by TonyGrayson



Series: One Shots/Teasers (DC) [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Humor, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, Jason POV, Jason swears all the time, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, inspired by Scott Pilgrim Vs the World, probably some OOC characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22551817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonyGrayson/pseuds/TonyGrayson
Summary: Dick and Jason are dating. Everyone has their own say in it, but they don't really care. At least, Jason doesn't.But then Damian comes to Jason, telling about this secret pact between Dick's past lovers, and Jason doesn't know if he should be worried or ignore the demon spawn.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, past Dick Grayson/Everyone
Series: One Shots/Teasers (DC) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1734688
Comments: 20
Kudos: 258





	Jason Todd VS The... World?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a short story.  
> I had the idea last night, before going to sleep, and wrote everything today.  
> This is supposed to be a ridiculous story and not to be taken too seriously XD
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!!!

Jason and Dick are now officially dating. 

After many years of pining after the particular blue bird -not that he would ever admit that-, Jason finally managed to make Dick actually _look_ at him. The real Jason Todd, a strong independent grown man, with some issues, yeah, but not the poor little traumatized Robin, who came back lost and in need of someone to point him the right direction. 

He managed to make Dick give up the idea he had any obligation towards Jason, just because he was once a Robin, or is considered to be part of the Bat family. 

After that, it wasn't that hard to catch the bird's heart, that gigantic thing that makes Dick love so easily. It is also an easy target to break, because of it. But Jason has no intentions of targeting Dick's heart for such reasons.

It didn't take long for the rest of the bats to find out about their new relationship status. You can't really hide anything from this family, and they didn't even troubled themselves in trying to.

Bruce doesn't seem very happy with the new events. He didn't exactly say they should break up. He just called Jason and Dick, one day after patrol, to present his list of how it is not a good idea for them to date. Needless to say, he was ignored with a flip of Jason's finger and an "You finished?" utterance from Dick. Bruce sighed and simply asked to at least keep it out of their vigilante life. The old man still thinks they are that stupid. Whatever.

The replacement was a little bit more subtle with his approach. Meaning, he didn't approach Jason at all, and only mentioned his concerns to Dick, who told his little brother he was sweet for caring about them (meaning Dick), and not to worry.

Alfred and Cassandra actually congratulated them, the time they both went to the Manor. Jason always liked them best. More like, always liked them, period. He can't really stand the others that much. Except for Dickie, of course. Although some ~~many~~ times he does get to be a bit annoying.

The one that surprised him was Damian. He just said nothing about the matter. Which is odd. The demon spawn has an unhealthy attachment to Dick, no matter how he ~~barely~~ tries to deny it, and everyone knows it. Jason does not believe for a second the brat was all accepting of his beloved big brother's new boyfriend. 

When Damian catches him alone, one day, Jason prepares himself for a fight to the death. 

"Todd." He says with a seemingly neutral tone to his voice.

"Spawn." Jason acknowledges. "Are you here to defend Dick's virtue, or something?"

"No. I am here to warn you."

"Huh. I thought you would skip the threats."

"I am not threatening you, Todd. I am merely trying to understand if you know what it means to start this sort of relationship with Richard." Damian says these words with a serious expression. As if he knows something obscure Jason is clueless of.

"Why don't you enlighten me, then?"

"I believe you know of Richard's past lovers."

"Probably not all of them, but several. He is really popular. What of it?"

"Do you know about the pact?" 

Wait, what? "What pact?"

"The pact his ex-lovers have between themselves."

"That sounds made up." Jason raises his eyebrow.

"Well, if that is what you wish to believe, then I will leave you be. But do not come later crying I did not warn you."

"Oh, for fucks sake! You are dying to say it, so just say it." Jason sighs and rolls his eyes.

"Very well, then. Every previous lover of Richard's, at least the ones currently alive, naturally, made a pact to test the strength and resolve of the next ones."

"Why in the hell would they do that?"

"You said it yourself, Richard is very popular. And his ex-lovers do not take kind to the idea of him going out with someone lesser than them." Damian concluded.

"That is ridiculous." Jason cannot help himself but to start laughing. "Is this your pathetic strategy to make me back off? Come up with the plot of Scott Pilgrim Vs the World?" 

"Suit yourself, Todd. I did my part."

"Yeah, and what? Do you want me to thank you?"

"I am doing this for Richard. I do not wish to later have him sobbing all over me because you broke his heart, after falling to the first ex that will eventually come to you. Goodbye."

Damian leaves with the ominous words. Jason does not know if he should take them seriously or not. Maybe he should talk to Dick about it?

***

Great. He knew he should have kept his mouth shut. Now Dick is laughing at him.

"That's so ridiculous. And hilarious." Dick says as he tries to breathe.

"Yeah, I know. That's what I said to the kid. I think you two should-"

"I mean, the idea of them teaming up for this? They would probably kill each other first."

"Okaaay..." Jason raises an eyebrow. "Is there any particular ex I should be worried about?"

"Uh. I don't think so? I believe most of them moved on."

"Most?"

"I mean. I don't keep in touch with _everyone_."

How many are there, anyway? "So I shouldn't worry about being surprised by Zatanna appearing one day and turning me into a toad, right?"

Dick laughs some more. Apparently the idea of a Jason toad is very funny in his mind. "No, no. Zatanna and I are totally cool."

"Yeah, I don't think the idea is of me being bothered by someone who dislikes you, Dick." Jason points out. It's the ones that are "cool" with Dick that may be of concern.

"No, Jay. Zatanna wouldn't do that to you. Don't worry. We were just kids, back then."

Yeah. No need to worry.

***

First came Barbara.

She showed up at one of his safe houses, one night he was alone. 

"Are you the first evil ex I have to defeat?" Jason asks with a mocking tone.

"Defeat?" Barbara does seem a bit confused. Maybe she is there for some other reason.

"Wow, I thought you would point out I called you 'evil'."

"Well, sometimes I just ignore some of the adjectives you use to describe people." She says.

"What do you want?" 

"Just to talk."

"About?"

"You know what. I know it is not my business that you and Dick are dating." She begins.

"That's right, it's not." Jason rolls his eyes.

"I just want to warn you though. I know we have had our differences but... this is so I can keep my conscience clear." She sighs.

"Just spit it out, already."

"You see. Dick is this sweetest thing you ever get to meet."

"Yes, I've yet to see a sweeter ass than his."

"I mean his personality." Barbara frowned.

"Uh, just get to the point." Jason will not point out everytime he's just making a joke.

"Anyway. No matter how well intentioned he is, he can be the most frustratingly oblivious person, sometimes. So, please step carefully with him. He is well capable of hurting your feelings without even realizing. And with that, he ends up hurting himself too."

Jason is not amused with all this "wise advice". 

"And what? You think I met Dick yesterday? You think I don't know that already?" Really, sometimes it as if they treat him like a newcomer. Even those who came after him.

"I'm glad to know you are aware of this. Maybe this time it may last." She does not seem very convinced though.

But Jason does not care. He only wishes her to leave him in peace about the matter.

***

"Hey, Roy! What's up, man!" Jason says after spotting his friend at the coffee shop.

"Jay! Glad I found you." 

"Really? Then sit, let's talk."

Roy sits and goes straight to the point.

"I heard you are dating the Golden Boy." He almost whispers.

"Yeah?"

"Um- I think we need to talk about that." Roy gives him a weird look.

"The fuck? Don't tell me you are also an evil ex?" Jason says.

"What? You mean like Scott Pilgrim? No, no. I mean, *cough*, I am kinda of an ex?"

"For fucks sake..."

"No, really. Listen!" Roy waves his arms. "I just want to warn you, bro! I worry for you, you know?"

"Oh, so did Dick also not give you enough attention and broke your heart? Poor thing." Jason says not even trying to hide the sarcasm.

"No, that's the problem, man. Dick is too clingy! We were just fooling around at the time, you know? Nothing serious. At least, we never agreed it would be serious. But when I realized, I was in a relationship. So, just make sure you know what you are getting into."

"Roy. Dick is clingy with _everyone_. He's famous for that. A villain may smile at him with all the intentions to kill him, and he goes all like 'Are you my friend?'." Jason says, obviously exaggerating for dramatic purposes. 

Though the blue bird was indeed naive enough to befriend some morally gray people. Scratch that, one of the people Jason was hoping did not join the "Evil X" group was Harley Quinn. He was not feeling like dealing with the annoying bitch and her hammer. Seriously he only hopes the rumors of she and Dick being a thing are just exaggerated misunderstandings. Though he refuses to ask Dick about it.

"Okay, okay. As long as you know what you are doing, I have no problem with that."

"It would be none of your business anyway."

"What is none of Roy's business?" A familiar voice says.

"Kory! You're here! Great, sit with us." Roy says, excited with his girlfriend's arrival.

"Hey there, Jay."

"Hey Kory!"

"So, we were talking about Jason going out with Dick." 

"Seriously dude? Why are you keeping the subject."

"Com'on Jay. If anyone here has experience with Dick is Kory, here." Roy points out.

"Oh, Dick is very experienced indeed. He's the best I had." Kory agrees.

"Even better than me?" Roy pouts.

"Oh dear, I only wish I could convince him to teach you something. Maybe we can make a deal. What do you think, Jay? Is four too much of a crowd?"

"Kory, babe!" Roy gasps.

"That's it. I'm fucking out. Good fucking bye!" Jay says as he leaves them as fast as he can.

***

"Fucking damn. Now I know what you meant, Damian." Jason says.

"Really?" Damian let's out just a small glimpse of what seems to be hope.

"Yeah, these guys won't just shut the fuck up and leave me alone. Do they think I don't know who Dick is?"

"Hmm." Is all what he gets from Damian.

***

He thought he would be free of this stupid "Evil X Club" deal while on patrol. Everyone knows it is not the time for that kind of conversation, right? Well, apparently not everyone.

"Hey, Match Head! You the pretty bird's new BF?" A huge guy in all black and with a creepy grin asks. Next to him is huge guy number 2, all in white.

"Who the hell are you two? Yin and Yang?"

"Oh, isn't he adorable?" The guy in black says.

"I am Apollo." The guy in white says. "And this is my husband, Midnighter."

"The birdie's friends may call me M." Midnighter winks.

"Let me guess, you are the next Evil Xs? Two at the same time?" Damn, Dickie!

"Well, not sure we can be considered 'evil'. May depend on your point of view." M says.

"Not sure we can be considered exes either." Apollo joins.

"Yeah, we were like, something more casual, I'd say."

"Why are you here, then?"

"We were just curious to know about the guy that will temporarily stop our casual time with the pretty bird." M says with that stupid grin on his face.

"'Temporarily', huh? I have no intentions on letting it be temporary, fuck you very much." Jason replies.

"May not be your choice, kid." M insists.

"You know what? I'm tired of being approached by Dick's Xs and just have to listen to you guys blabber. How about I punch you in the face, kick your ass, and then you leave?"

"Bring it on, you have no chance."

"No need," Apollo says, "we are leaving. But we will come back for you, if you hurt him."

"So this was a shovel talk?"

"Yes, you can say that."

Fuck. How many more are there? 

***

"Red Hood." 

"Deathstroke."

"Long time no see."

"I wish it had been longer. Here for a contract?" Depending on the target, Jason might have to meddle with the old man's business.

"I was. Finished, though." Slade says. "I heard you are dating the little bird."

"Oh, I swear to God... You too? Fuck. You are an _actual_ Evil X?" Really, Dick? Slade fucking Wilson?

"I'm not an ex." Slade replies.

"Oh, okay." That's better. "Then why do you want to know?"

"I'm someone who lets the little bird have some fun, from time to time, then let him fly back to me."

"You wish, you fucking creep." 'the fuck is happening? Are these people trying to mess with him? Is that it? Is there a camera hidden somewhere, and everyone is gathered someplace watching his reactions to this stupidity, while laughing their asses off?

"Yeah? Let's see what happens when you break his fragile heart, then. Let's see to whose shoulder he will fly to, so he can cry." 

Jason is seriously thinking about changing his rubber bullets to lethal ones, from now on.

***

"What is the meaning of this, Todd? How come you are _still_ dating Richard?" The gremlin says as soon as Dick leaves the room to go to the bathroom. Him and Jason are again at the Manor, since Dick wanted to visit and dragged Jason along.

"What the fuck do you mean, brat?" Jason frowns.

"I though at least Wilson would kick your ass, and make you give up on the whole idea." Damian says with an annoyed face.

"What? Are you the one who's been making all these people come to me, to talk about me and Dick?"

"No. I was trying to make them jealous and want to fight you... Not _talk_ to you. Seriously, what is the matter with people, these days? No one defends their own honor?" Damian tsks.

"I don't think you understand the concept of being an ex, you punk." Jason snarls. "And why the fuck are you doing this?"

"Because you are not worthy of Richard." The little devil says with disdain.

"And who is, then?"

"No one." He replies flatly.

"Seriously, you want your precious big brother to be by himself, forever?" Surely not even Damian could be that insensitive.

"What do you mean? He has me, Father and Pennyworth. He has no need for a lover."

"Huh. Here you are acting all high and mighty, and you actually don't know Dick at all." Jason mocks.

"What did you say, you degenerate?" The demon spawn yells and pounces on him.

Finally, a fight. Jason has been feeling the need to put his fists through something, for some days now.

"Hey, hey! What is the meaning of this?" Dick's voice is somehow heard through the commotion. 

"Your little brat brother here has been trying to drive me mad, by calling on your exes so they can come and try to talk me out of dating you." Jason replies.

"Not talk, Todd. I wanted them to kick your ass."

"Damian, is this true?" Dick gives a stern look at Damian who stops right away. 

"Yes," he whispers with his head low.

"Seriously, Damian? Why would you do that? Do you think I don't deserve to be with someone?" 

"It is not that you do not deserve it." He shouts. "It is them who-" Damian stops when he sees the disappointed look on Dick's face. Then he lowers his head again, looking like a guilty child who knows they are in for trouble, and are about to cry. "You deserve it, Richard." That's the equivalent of "I'm sorry" in Damianish.

Dick's face goes soft. "Aw, it's okay Dami. I forgive you. But you have to promise me you will stop this nonsense."

"I promise."

"Then it is alright! 💙" Dick says with a bright smile.

"The fuck it is." Jason says. "I was the one who had to suffer those psychos."

"Please, Jay. Damian already apologized."

No he fucking didn't.

"And he won't do it again."

So?

"I say we all go for some ice cream, and forget this all happened. Can we do that, Jay?" Dick looks at him with those bright blue eyes full of hope.

"Y-yeah, whatever." Jason replies.

"Great! Let's go then!"

As soon as Dick turns away, Damian's face goes from about to cry to smug. The little fucker.

Jason starts making different plans to make the brat disappear.

***

"Some of your Evil Xs were sure we are a temporary thing between us." Jason confesses.

"You are still thinking about that?" Dick seems surprised.

"How could I not?"

"Are you being insecure about our relationship?" Dick asks seriously, no hint of trying to make fun of him.

Jason does not reply to that, but he feels his face burning, which may be enough of an answer.

"Oh, Jay. This will only be temporary if you wish to give up on me. Because I have no intentions on giving up on you." Dick says earnestly.

Jason can't help it but smile at him.

This will last for fucking ever, then.

**THE END**

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said, I wrote it all today and posted it right away. It is bound to have a lot of mistakes. If anything is confusing, please warn me :)
> 
> I might edit later to correct some grammar and typos that are most likely there.
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> I'll be happy to know what you think 💙💙💙💙💙💙


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